Today I struggle with what is there really to be thankful for? Today is our first holiday without you my sweet angel. It's hard to really even comprehend that your gone. I'm sure it will hit really hard when we go home and everything has to go back to normal. But what is normal without your? I don't have that answer. Your were are normal. We lived to care for you, we would of done anything for you, I still would. I hope you are here watching over us and listening to us all talk about how sweet yet sassy you were.
Tonight I sat alone and listened to some of your videos that are on my phone, just so I could hear your sweet voice. Oh how I miss it so much. Sometimes I feel like I can hear you yelling for me. Then I remember your sweet body is gone. No more meds, no more forced bathes, no more juicing, no more vitamixing, no more tube feedings, no more diaper changes, no more washing your monkey Jammie's in a rush, no more cuddling on the couch holding your hand, no more trips to Walmart in the van with you dancing in the back, no more buying cars or little boy pj's and little boy toys. What are we to do? Everything just seems so wrong without you. I'm so sorry we couldn't save you.
I miss you so much that there will forever be a hole in my heart for you. Until we meet again little monkey man, be safe and I love you. Please come to me in my dreams, I need to see your sweet face.