Thursday, November 22, 2012

Happy Thanksgiving Cashy.

Today I struggle with what is there really to be thankful for? Today is our first holiday without you my sweet angel. It's hard to really even comprehend that your gone. I'm sure it will hit really hard when we go home and everything has to go back to normal. But what is normal without your? I don't have that answer. Your were are normal. We lived to care for you, we would of done anything for you, I still would. I hope you are here watching over us and listening to us all talk about how sweet yet sassy you were.
Tonight I sat alone and listened to some of your videos that are on my phone, just so I could hear your sweet voice. Oh how I miss it so much. Sometimes I feel like I can hear you yelling for me. Then I remember your sweet body is gone. No more meds, no more forced bathes, no more juicing, no more vitamixing, no more tube feedings, no more diaper changes, no more washing your monkey Jammie's in a rush, no more cuddling on the couch holding your hand, no more trips to Walmart in the van with you dancing in the back, no more buying cars or little boy pj's and little boy toys. What are we to do? Everything just seems so wrong without you. I'm so sorry we couldn't save you.
I miss you so much that there will forever be a hole in my heart for you. Until we meet again little monkey man, be safe and I love you. Please come to me in my dreams, I need to see your sweet face.


  1. Kalli- Thanks for the Blog Updates. It is the next best thing to being right there with you and your family. We are so happy you gave us the chance to LOVE your little man. Thank You for that opportunity. I will forever be grateful for that<3
    Sending you LOTS of LOVE
    Team Cashy Cleveland & The C.A.S.H Card Project

  2. My heart aches for you, Kalli. There are no words on this earth that can give you comfort. All I know for SURE is that Cashy knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that you and Mike did everything humanly possible to make him well again.

  3. Kalli, I came across your blog last night and just wanted to extend my love and condolences to you and your family. Your bravery astonishes me, as a mom, and inspires me. Thank you for sharing your story. <3

  4. I wish I had words instead of heartache for you, too. Because of you and your family, this world is a more aware, compassionate place. You are in my heart, mind and prayers constantly, Kalli-- proof that Cashy and his struggle continually touch the lives of people you've never met face to face. I wish I could have helped Cashy more, personally and have my own grief about not being able to meet up with you guys when you were in California to help out with his meds- I can't help but think even still about what I could have, should have would have for my dad before he passed away from cancer 2 years ago. Cancer sucks, grief sucks- my heart goes out to you for having do deal with both. <3

  5. Kalli, Someone posted Cashy's story on FB so I clicked and have read through your blog. My heart aches for you and your wonderful family. You are so strong and brave... I am just left in awe. I can only say that Cashy was blessed beyond measure to have you two as his parents and through this blog Cashy has blessed us all. There are no words really... I know you miss him so much. I hope and pray that Cashy visits you in a dream... flutters by you when you are feeling down.. arches across the sky when you need reassurance that he is with you watching over and will never leave your hearts. Thank you for sharing Cashy.

  6. Dear Kalli,

    I have been following Cashy's and your story for almost one year and now, I am so sorry to learn that he is no more with you! I cannot imagine the pain you must have! I am so sorry! Kalli, I am from the Czech Republic (Central Europe) and my four year old nephew has soft tissu sarcoma st 4. We give him marijuana (it is illegal, of course) and he must follow chemo and radiotherapy. As we do not know any other child who takes hemp, we would be very very helpful if you could give us some of your experience about dosage. I know that your own pain consume all your energy but if you could share with us a little, it would be so helpful. Thank you very much and God be with you! Juraj
    My email: