Live life to its fullest everyday! No regrets!

To start off I want to clarify a few things from my last blog post. As most of you read I had commented on a dear friend who had posted about her troubles with her 3 year old son. I want everyone to know I wasn't trying to hurt Her by what I said, I was only just trying to get my point across that I would give anything for Cashy to be a feisty wild rambunctious 4 year old and that I am envious of her healthy boy, and that what one person wants is another persons nightmare. I apologized many times and am truly sorry for hurting her feelings. I didn't know the depth of the situation and spoke ahead of myself. So anyone who wrote Nasty messages to my friend, I'd really appreciate if you apologize for your rude and hateful words. It not only hurt my dear friend it hurt me that people who say they care for our family and son could be so hurtful towards a perfect stranger. That wasn't what I was going for and I'm ashamed about what happened and how it all went in the total opposite direction I was aiming for.

On a better note, we have taken a small break on giving Cashy the cannabis oil for 6 days to reactivate and clear out Cashys endocannabinoid receptors (everyone has a endocannabinoid system in their body, it is perhaps the most important physiologic system involved in establishing and maintaining human health. Endocannabinoids and their receptors are found throughout the body: in the brain, organs, connective tissue, glands and immune cells. In each tissue the cannabinoid system performs different tasks but the goal is always the same; homeostasis, the maintenance of a stable internal environment despite fluctuations in external environments., google it for more information, it's fascinating really.). So after being on the oil heavily for over two months, we are giving his system a break so these endocannabinoid receptors can continue to do their job accurately, they need to be reactivated if you get what I'm saying. So today was the third day of being off the oil. Now remember you can not withdrawl from cannabis as it is oil based and stays in your system for up to 30 days, so even though we took him off cold turkey he still has cannabis in his system slowly wearing off but not letting his system go haywire from cutting it out completely. Another reason it is such a great pain reliever, vs heavy narcotics. Not to mention all the other benefits it hold, it's a neuroprotectant, antioxidant, antibacterial and it says in the government patent on cannabis that it can prevent organ failure during septic shock (exactly what cash went through fall of 2010, while on life support). So not only are we fighting his cancer with this miracle drug, we are protecting him from all sorts of other conditions that could arise from the treatments we put him through the past two and half years.

So back to what I was saying. We are on his third day off the oil and are really excited to say that Cashy had a awesome day today. Although he is still tired, and a little crabby, he is still all there and was up being more active, talkative, and alive than he has been in the last two months. Last night he insisted on sleeping in his car bed, which he's never ever slept in it, he only stayed in it a little bit as he wanted me to sleep in it with him, well after a half hour of being crammed in a small toddler bed I convinced him to come back to our bed (the family bed, thank god its a king size, lol).
This morning around 630 am Cashy was laying in bed with us and I was listening to him sing and hum half awake. It was so dang cute, he's was just laying there humming and singing away. The sweetest sound. Sissy slept in her crib from 11-730 last night! Amazing, besides my boobs were going to explode and cash was up almost every hour being restless and wanting water. So even though baby girl slept all night, cash still kept us up all night. Oh well! Like I said before, I function quite well on minimal hours of sleep!
while I went and worked out this am, and sissy went to the Y daycare, mike took Cashy to Colten's 2nd grade class and said hi to colty and all his classmates. I wish I could of been there, I bet colty felt like a very proud big brother! Then they went and ran errands and got coffee. A couple hours later they ran to Walmart for some stuff only after Cashy was up and outside riding his bike for a few minutes!! Hey a few minutes is awesome after seeing him lying in bed for two months straight! He's been such a cuddle bug lately, he insists one of us hold his hand while we sleep, and he will snuggle up on me and say "my momma," it melts my heart. I tell him I love him almost every hour, lol, he says back "wuv you". So Needless to say we are some very happy parents to see our boy up and moving even if it is for only a few minutes! I'll take it! Sometimes (more than not) Cashy is so controlling on who does what, (i would think this is frlm having little control these past two years, that now at home he gets to control what goes on) that often he has sissy or brother give him his meds, well monday he needed his diaper changed and he refused, absolutely refused to let me change his diaper, he insisted that the dog Irey change his diaper, oh man was that interesting. I let the dog up on the bed (which I hate dogs on my bed) and I took her paws and she assisted me in changing his diaper, I swear if there was a camera in the room, it would have been quite the shit show! Lol. Oh man the things we do for Cashy! Hilarious really! Cashy had a big boy haircut yesterday by miss Ashly, he was pretty cooperative, a little wiggly but we got it done! Thanks ash! He looks so handsome!

Grandma Vickie took colty to pick out a Halloween costume today, he picked a creepy jester looking costume. Scary looking if you ask me! We still need to get Cashy and Sissy one too.

So back at work it is for me. Three twelve hour shifts a week, ugh. It's exhausting. I called in sick on Saturday after I wasn't going to because everything seemed altight, then Around 6 he was acting miserable and screaming and crying for me so I called off, not only ten minutes later I had a call from my boss (which she's not even at work on a Saturday) saying that I have to come in to work and 6 was to late to call in. When I called I said that Cashy wasn't doing good and I needed to be home. So when my boss called I was a little blown away that she was like You MUST come in and there is nobody to replace you. She even said, "can't your mom or mile watch him". Which yes mike was home but that wasn't the problem, I felt guilty leaving him when he felt so icky and was screaming for me to hold him. So I ended up going in to work, after crying the whole way there. Some people Just don't understand Just how hard it is to leave your baby boy when he's so sick and wanting you to hold him. Guess you don't know till your in a similar situation.
It's so crazy and overwhelming to look at "before" pictures of our family, well especially Cashy. To see how we were before cancer wrecked havoc on our lives. The picture below of Cashy was taken only a few weeks before we had found out Cashy had cancer. He was so whole, full of thick beautiful dark hair, and life and not a care in the world. It's easy to say I'd love to go back to this time, where we hardly knew of the world out there known as pediatric cancer, but we wouldn't be the family or people we are today if we didn't experience this journey we are on. We would of just continued living in a world oblivious to the pain and sorrow that these children and families face everyday when living with the beast called cancer. I'd like to think I'm a better person now, having experienced what we've experienced as young parents has given us a whole new meaning to life and love and as easy as it would be to say I wish we never did have to know what this side of life is like, I'm glad we've been given the eye opener to cherish life and to love with such compassion and heart that now I know how precious life is, and what a gift every breath we take is.
With that said, everyone hold your babies tight and if you don't have babies yet, hug your mom or your dad or your grandparents or your brothers or sisters, because you never know what will happen tomorrow.