Sunday, June 2, 2013

National Cancer Survivors Day. A holiday to mourn forever.


Today is national cancer survivors day. I really never knew there was such a day.  Of course there would be this special day for all the special people who were lucky enough to win their battle with the beast.   But you did not lose your battle, I truly believe you did WIN.  You got the gift of never having to suffer through another prcedure, another MRI, another blood draw, another spinal tap, another sedated hearing test, no more nasty chemotherapy that made you Puke your guts out and have the non stop runs, no more radiation mask, no more central lines or picc lines, no more fear of constantly being poked and prauded.  You for the gift of everlasting life and love.    

Don't get me wrong, I want nothing more than you to be here next to me, holding my hand as I tickle your feet with my other.  

I look at today as just another holiday that I don't get to celebrate with you.  No Christmas presents, no Easter bunny baskets, no valentines day suprises, no more wrapping up little boy birthday toys.   Last year on 4th of July you were so miserable as you were just starting to show signs that your cancer was back, daddy and brother went to the mall to watch the fire works (like we did the year before) Ever since your radiation therapy you couldn't handle bright lights, you had to even wear sunglasses to go out in the daylight.  That broke my heart, but you were always such a trooper about it.  

I think about you still being here with us everyday, and I think about how we weren't able to save you.  We tried so hard buddy.  We tried so hard.  I wish your journey was for you to be a survivor.  But you live on in so many peoples hearts and I will make sure your story will be told as long as I live! 

Happy National Cancer survivors day to all the survivors.  You are all Heros! One love.

Ps. Cashy,  Thank you for coming to me as the amazing orb in the video the other day.  I've been thinking about it a lot.  That was so special.  I love you buddy to the moon and back, To infinity and beyond, forever and ever.  One love. 

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