Well I've been working on the blog page most of the day, I finally figured out how to change and add pictures and make it a more personable page than it was! I would like some feedback, is the colors to loud, is it hard to read?? Let me know what you all think! I'm excited to hear your feedback, and I was excited to see that we've had 75,000 views on our blog page!! That's awesome!! The most popular blog post was the one I did after cashy passed, there was over 8 thousand views on that post! Crazy!! Keep reading and ill keep reading!! I like getting feedback and comments to from you guys as well. It makes me want to keep writing! So keep on with the comments! It's funny cause I get all bummed when I only get one or two comments a blog post. I'm always thinking, man no one read it all this time. Lol, Im a dork like that. But even if you guys don't read it or comment, I will still write because it's actually therapeutic for me. I like talking to Cashy. I know he listens!
So I am wondering if anybody has pictures of Cashy that I haven't seen or that I don't have. I'd love to get all the pics I can of him. So if anyone has pics even if it's from a long time ago, I want them! Please send them to me! Send them to firstname.lastname@example.org or if you know my number just text them to me. I would truly appreciate it!!!
Cashy, my little buddy. Oh how I miss you so! It's still so unreal that your gone, that your not here to touch or tickle, or kiss or hug. I miss every part of you, even your stinky toes. Why did this have to be your journey? Why our family?
I was thinking about how out of off the people I went to high school with, all the girls I played soccer with, that I'm the only one who's lost a child to cancer. How flipping rare is that? It's rare for Missoula Montana, but it's definitely not rare. Thousands of kids die each year. I think about senior year how in the school newspaper they always did a section about the seniors and what everyone voted people to be "most likely" to do this or "most likely" to do that, well I was nominated (and my bestie lyndsey Was the runner up) for "most changed", what? Why does that even mean. I was kinda mad about that actually. Some people get most likely to grow up and be the president, some people got class clown (that was probably Joey wingo, lol), so why wasn't there a "most likely to have a kid die of cancer," category? At least I could of been warned.... Or at least prepared myself. I don't know what made me think about this, it makes no sense at all. Not sure why I even typed it. Stuff just flows like word vomit sometimes. Whatever I guess. I wish I would of been "most likely to live happily ever after". Why isn't that a category. I don't think ill ever been truly completely 100% happy without you. There will always be a huge void of a hole named Cashy in my heart.
My patient tonight after she had her baby scarfed down a giant super sized Arby's meal tonight. The smell made me wanna puke a little. (Sorry to the peeps who eat Arbys, no offense but it grossed me out) Sad thing is that that meal of about 1000 calories isn't even going to give her the energy or the nutrients that she really needs to breastfeed her baby or even maintain the energy level it takes to take cAre of a newborn. Ugh.
Colty's last day at Chief Charlo is today. :( I think I'm more sad about it that he is. Hd will be attending Lewis and Clark on Monday. A fresh new start. And he better get serious because they're ahead a little in math! But he's so dang smart he will catch on fast. Even his teacher thinks he will do just fine although she's sad to see him go (so she says, lol.... That's boys a handful!!!). So will will bring his class some treats and they're having a going away party for him. So cute! The most awesome thing is though, at the new house the bus stop to his new school is right out our front door! Yay!! No driving or biking to school! He's all excited to get to ride the bus to school. Cashy you would of loved to ride the bus too. I hope you ride it with him on Tuesday (Monday ill take him as it's his first day).
Well I just wanted to write a quick note on my blog page editing! I hope you all like it and continue to read! Cashy I hope you love it to!! I miss you, I love you and I wish we were snuggling in bed together and I was waking up every hour to give you water. This morning I had an odd dream where I was like above myself watching myself sleep and Toss and turn, and I could hear myself screaming and crying for you. It was so odd, it was like I was half awake half asleep. I don't know, I'm probably just losing my marbles!! Sleep deprivation will do that to a person, (so will working night shift!).
Well goodnight my sweet boy. I miss you and wish I could hold you and run my fingers along your scar on your head. I loved how it felt bumpy underneath my fingertips as I caressed your head. Your lovely battle wound (well one of the many).
Thanks for the sweet little surprise I found from you last night while getting ready for work. Michele was right when she said I would still find plenty of cashy surprises at the new house as well. A cars bandaid on my makeup remover towelettes. How sweet is that! I love you!